Evil Movie of DOOM!
by millennium rod
Summary: In mock- celebration of the new Twilight movie. Ryou drags Bakura with him to see Eclipse. Bad move there, Ryou... oneshot, although I may continue it. EDIT: I guess this has become a series.
1. Eclipse

Okay, for pretty much the past six months, my sister has CONSTANTLY been talking about seeing the new _Twilight_ movie. So in mock-celebration of the release of _Eclipse_, I wrote this. I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh (aww) or Twilight (good; I don't want it).

Ryou stared at the TV screen. "I have to get tickets," he said to himself before running to the computer where Bakura was reading a list of "1,000,000 Ways To Kill Annoying Pharaohs." Ryou looked up at him with his best puppy- dog eyes.

"Kura, will you do something for me?"

"Shut up, Ryou. I'm busy." But not even he could resist the Evil Puppy Dog Eyes of Doom (so- called by Marik), so he sighed. "What do you want?"

"Will you get tickets for the midnight showing of _Eclipse_?"

Bakura stared at his light blankly. "What the hell is that?" Ryou gasped.

"You haven't heard of it? Commercials have been everywhere; don't you watch TV?"

"You haven't let me ever since the incident with _Hannah Montana_," he reminded his hikari. Ryou shuddered at the memory.

"Well, it's a new movie that comes out tonight at midnight." Bakura stared at him skeptically.

"…What's it about?"

Ryou swallowed. He would have to choose his words carefully- he knew that Bakura would definitely say no if he knew that it was a romance. "It's, um… about vampires. And werewolves." The yami's eyes lit up.

"Wow, really? Vampires, huh? Ryou, I had no idea you were into that kind of stuff."

Ryou laughed nervously. "So you'll go?"

"It's about vampires. How bad can it possibly be?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ryou and Bakura decided to head to the theater around 11:30. Ryou was wearing a "Team Jacob" shirt that he had gotten online some time back but had never worn.

"There are a lot more girls here than I expected," Bakura commented. It was true; most of the huge crowd was female. Ryou decided quickly not to respond to that comment.

People started flooding into the dark theater around 11:55. The two boys went to their usual spot in the back of the theater. As they sat through the long and tedious preview, teenage girls chattered excitedly all around them. But when the logo appeared, there was a hushed silence across the room.

But it didn't stay quiet for long. Every girl in the theater cheered loudly every time one of the guys took off their shirt. One girl a row down from them nearly fainted with excitement, while the girl next to her blushed furiously. But Ryou just leaned forward with wide eyes, completely absorbed in the movie.

Bakura was also wide-eyed; although for a very different reason. The movie did have vampires and werewolves like his hikari had promised, but it was far from being a horror movie. No, this was a romance.

Ryou had taken him to see a romance.

Bakura had to try very hard to restrain himself from reaching over and strangling him.

Finally, after what felt to Bakuura like years of torture, the end credits rolled and the pair headed back outside to their car.

Bakura waited for both doors to be shut before turning to Ryou; rage flashing through all of his features.

"What. The. Hell. Was. That?" he growled. Ryou put his hands in the air defensively.

"I told you it would have vampires in it, but I never said it would be a horror movie. Besides, I thought it was good."

"In what way were those… creatures vampires! And that Bella chick? She's a slut with no personality whatsoever! She makes Anzu look deep! ANZU! And speaking of which, I'm pretty sure I saw her there!"

"So she's a bit indecisive! How does that make her a slut?"

"Oh, Edward, I love you, but I love Jacob too. I wish I could just have sex with both of you. But Edward, make me a vampire- then you won't kill me. But I don't want to get married; just have sex all day long," Bakura said, making his voice high- pitched to try to imitate the main heroine.

Ryou sighed. He knew deep down that it was a bad idea taking Bakura to this particular movie, but he was already getting sick of hearing him rant. But he continued on.

"But seriously! Those things were NOT VAMPIRES! Real vampires kill! Those half-assed villains that wanted to kill Bella for no reason whatsoever- although I wanted to too- were the best part of the movie, and they barely got any screen time!

"At least it had action, Bakura," Ryou muttered underhis breath. "More than the other ones." Bakura's eyes widened in disbelief.

"There's more of this atrocity?"

Ryou nodded. "I have the first two DVD's. The special editions, actually. Oh, and all of the books. And T-shirts, buttons, bags…" Ryou continued for the rest of the car ride to ramble on about all of the Twilight merchandise he had collected. When he finally finished as he pulled into the driveway, Bakura facepalmed.

"My hikari is a fangirl."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Seira-g: That… was really fun to write…

Bakura: I don't want to see that movie! Seriously!

Seira-g: Neither do I. My opinion is closer to yours, really.

Bakura: Thank Ra. Reviews?

Seira-g: Yes. Reviews?


	2. Twilight

Well, I just saw Eclipse. And guess what? It was just as bad as I thought it would be! So, since so many people seemed to enjoy the last chapter (and because I'm suffering from writer's block), I'm going to do more!

The body was struggling against his captor, trying to no avail to burst free from the ropes that were binding him.

"No…" he pleaded, while the other simply returned with a laugh. He leaned in closer.

"Trust me, you WILL learn to enjoy it."

"No! I already had to see Eclipse; I don't want to watch the other two!" Bakura begged. Ryou smiled, doing his best to look innocent.

"But don't you want to know how the two of them met? It's really interesting!"

"If there are two people I don't want to know about, it's them. Trust me, Ryou, this is a bad idea."

"If you don't watch it, I'll tell Yami about your little secret from the Christmas party..." Bakura looked truly terrified now.

"…You wouldn't dare," he finally whispered.

"Trust me, I would."

"…Fine," grumbled the yami. Ryou pressed the play button, and Bakura's personal torture began.

_"I had never given much thought as to how I would die."_

"If it's up to me, it won't come swiftly," Bakura mumbled. Ryou shot him a warning glance which quickly shut him up. He managed to stay quiet right up until the part where Bella finds out the truth about Edward.

"_Say it. OUT LOUD."_

_ "…Vampire."_

"WHAT THE HELL!" Bakura screamed, preparing an innocent pillow to be thrown at the poor TV. "YOU ARE NOT A FUCKING VAMPIRE! YOU'RE A PANSY!"

"Do I have to tie you up again!"

"Hehe, that sounded wrong." Ryou's death stare once again managed to quiet his complaints.

Even though Ryou had seen this movie several times before (doing his best to keep it from Bakura), he was still just as absorbed in it as he had been seeing Eclipse for the first time. It really wasn't helping with Bakura's image of his hikari.

The only part where Bakura showed even a bit of interest was during the action sequences towards the end. But even then, he had some complaints.

"Okay, this has to be the worst camera work I've ever seen. The fact that they're moving super- fast is no excuse to be jerking the camera around!"

"Somebody actually attacked her. You, my friend, are my new favorite character."

"She lives. From… having her… blood sucked. WHO THE HELL CAME UP WITH THIS!"

At last, the end credits rolled. Bakura let out a sigh of relief.

"That was… terrible. I didn't think anything could be worse than Eclipse, but I was wrong. I think that actually killed a few brain cells." Ryou went over to the DVD player and removed the disc. Just then, there was a knock at the door. Bakura got up to go answer it.

When he opened the door, Marik was standing there, wearing a team Edward shirt. Bakura regretted opening the door.

"Hi! Ryou told me you were about to watch New Moon! Can I join?" Marik sounded like a little kid. Bakura decided he had no choice but to let him in; he didn't want to listen to Ryou about being rude to guests for the hundredth (he'd been counting) time. But when he led him into the living room, Ryou let out a low growl.

"You let the enemy in." Bakura looked puzzled.

"…What?"

"He's team Edward! Everyone knows that Jacob is the only one for Bella!"

"Obviously not Stephanie Meyer!" Marik retorted.

Bakura pushed the two hikaris away from each other. "Ryou, if you didn't want him to come, why did you tell him you were watching it!" Ryou wasn't sure how to answer this, so the two just continued their argument. Bakura sighed.

"Great. This should be fun."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Seira-g: Next up is New Moon, everybody!

Ryou: Yays! That one is my favorite!

Seira-g: Why?

Ryou: It has lots of Jacob. ^.^

Seira-g: Ryoy, I'm going to take this opportunity to stage an intervention.

Ryou: *Can't hear anything over the sound of him being a fangirl*

Seira-g: Um, review… all energy from reviewers will be used to save Ryou from his cruel, cruel fate!


	3. New Moon

I can finally write this! I was going to watch New Moon for this earlier, but my sister loaned it out to a friend as soon as I was ready to do it. I finally watched it with her and her friends a few nights ago, so I threw in a few annoying things that they did. So anyway, here you go.

Ryou, Marik and Bakura were all sitting around the TV. The only difference was that while the hikaris looked excited, Bakura had a bored expression on his face. "_Please don't make me do this,"_ he silently pleaded, but once the menu came up, he knew it was too late.

What was strange, however, was how Ryou refused to hit the play button; instead choosing to stare intently at the screen. Marik picked up on this too, as he whined, "Ryyyoou! Hurry up and get to the movieeee!"

"I'm pretty sure that there's a shirtless Jacob somewhere on the menu!" he responded quickly. But the same exact clips rolled by around 5 times before the boy realized that it wasn't going to happen. Pouting, he finally hit the play button.

The movie started with Bella waking up from a dream involving her as an old lady with an Edward that looked exactly the same. From there, it was revealed that it was her birthday. Of course, the "vampires" decide that she needs a birthday party.

"See?" Marik said with a sparkle like a Twilight vampire in the sun (1) in his eyes. "I don't see Jacob throwing her a party!"

"That's because she doesn't want one!" Ryou yelled in response. This argument continued until Bella cut her finger on the wrapping paper.

_"Ah. Paper cut."_

"What kind of paper cut IS that!" Bakura asked the screen incredulously. "Paper cuts BARELY BLEED!" He stared at the screen in disgust as one of the vampires*coughfairiescough* all but jumped on it, right as Edward pushed her away and into a table.

"Nice job. You just made it about ten times worse," Bakura muttered. "Maybe I should be Team Edward if he's going to hurt her. Kind of like I want to."

"Yes!" Marik said happily. "Team Edward is definitely the best!"

"Liar! Jacob is better than Edward could ever be!" This, of course, came from Ryou.

" Oh, come on! Why would you go for a dog?"

"Why would you go for an icicle?"

"At least he still looks human most of the time!"

"At least he doesn't have drawn-on abs! (2)"

"What does that have to do with anything!"

Marik and Ryou continued to argue about this for another minute and a half before finally settling down and turning their attention back to the movie.

No more arguments broke out among the group for a while after that, much to Bakura's relief. He figured that if he was going to be forced to sit through the movie, he should at least watch it. Although it mainly owed to the fact that it was painful for him knowing that his hikari was literally arguing about which monster was better for a wimp. That didn't exist in real life. But the movie, as bad as it may be, was actually becoming half- tolerable. Except that Ryou and Marik were literally either talking along with the movie or saying the lines before the characters did. It was really just annoying.

But there weren't any more comments from Bakura (shocking as it was) until Bella jumps off a cliff to hear Edward's voice in her head.

"Okay, for one thing, it's ONE GUY. Get over it; there are over three billion more in the world. Also, really? You're RISKING YOUR LIFE FOR THIS? Way to go. Seriously, I hope that this ends up killing you."

"Damn it. She lives," muttered Bakura after she's found by Jacob.

Ryou got a smug expression on his face. "See? I don't see EDWARD coming to save her." Marik said nothing in response; probably because he couldn't think of a good response.

Eventually, after some kisses and shirtlessness from Jacob (much to Ryou's delight), The characters ended up in Italy, where they were trying to save Edward from committing suicide. "Why bother," Bakura said. "He's useless anyways."

"But Kura! The story can't continue on without him!" Marik responded with a voice like a three year old about to throw a tantrum.

"I don't remember saying _you_ were allowed to call me Kura. And besides, I want the story to end. That was kind of the point."

"Yeah, Marik. Only I get to call him that."

"Shut up, Ryou."

"Make me!" From here, Bakura had to literally tear the two apart from each other.

"Just shut up. Both of you. You're getting worked up over a movie. And a terrible one, at that. Besides, remember when the two of you were best friends? Are you really going to let something like this tear you apart? I mean seriously, you guys are- Oh my god." Bakura was interrupted in his speech by the sight of Edward walking, topless, into the sunlight. Marik climbed off of Ryou and squealed in delight.

"I… just… can't. I have nothing more to say about this. This is clearly the work of a bunch of 12 year old girls. On crack." This was the last thing Bakura said for the rest of the movie. Meanwhile, as soon as Edward was once again fully clothed, Marik went straight back from gawking at the screen to clawing at Ryou with a murderous glare in his eyes. This continued until the ending credits, at long last, finally rolled. Then both hikaris turned toward Bakura.

"So… who do YOU like better- Edward or Jacob?"

"They can both go straight to hell. Their little girlfriend, too."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Seira-g: Well, there you go. I really hope this was worth sitting through over two hours of New Moon.

This is a phrase that I find myself using whenever I see something sparkle. Even though my mom sometimes uses this, she generally forgets the "twilight." Which, in this case, is quite important.

This is an argument my sister uses against Edward all the time. Ever since she read this in some teen magazine.

So… reviews?


	4. Never insult Twilight around Fangirls

What? An update! Finally! Woow…

_"Finally, some quiet."_

Bakura thought this to himself as he sat down on the couch where he had been forced to watch "The worst thing since Hannah Montana" (which, coming from him, was saying quite a bit) only a few weeks ago. Ryou had finally left for his first day back at school after summer break, and Bakura was glad to not have to listen to his annoying hikari drone on and on about Twilight. Or hear him yelling into the phone at Marik about Jacob vs. Edward. Every single day.

Bakura decided to get up and get himself something to eat, when he heard the familiar beep of his cell phone. Reluctantly, he opened it up to see a text from Ryou.

_Kura? I left something in my room. Could u bring it 2 school?Its that book on my desk._

"Stupid kid," he muttered to himself. "But I guess I have no choice."

As he headed down the hallway, something dawned on Bakura: _I've never been in Ryou's room before. At least, not since we moved in._

The yami had had a faint idea of what to expect when he entered the room, but there was no amount of preparation that could have readied him for what he saw.

The first thing that struck his widening eyes was a large poster of Jacob; literally larger that life. The face on that thing was bigger than Bakura's own head. This was hanging above his bed, and in the corner was a life-size cardboard cutout. It was worn around the edges.

There were about 5 copies of each book and DVD in a glass case against the wall, and shelves and the floor were littered with action figures, T-shirts, bags, buttons- anything you could possibly imagine that could be related to Twilight was probably somewhere in that room. Bakura saw that the closet door was closed, and he decided to keep it that way- he couldn't even imagine what kinds of horrors lay within.

With ninja-like speed and stealth, Bakura sped to the desk, grabbed the aforementioned book, and sped out of the room at lightning speed.

_Oh God_, he thought, his heart racing and him out of breath. _This… this is worse than I thought. _

Bakura couldn't think of what quite at that moment, but he was going to stage an intervention.

But for right now, he had to head to the school. He slid on a pair of shoes and headed out to the car. Then, at around 80 miles an hour, he sped toward the school, screeching at every turn. He smirked. He liked speeding. And breaking the law in general.

He pulled into the lot of the school, where several students were standing around, chatting idly. Bakura just about ran them over on his search for his hikari. He hated, hated, HATED this place, which was why he had stopped attending with Ryou long ago.

He had to go inside the wretched building, but he finally found Ryou, sitting in his first- period class. He wasn't one who liked to talk much to other people; much preferring to sit with his nose in a book.

Bakura decided to have a bit of fun. He snuck through the rows of desks, ignoring the strange looks from the few other students, and tapped him on the shoulder. Ryou just about jumped out of his seat, and he did drop his copy of Eclipse that he happened to be reading that day. Bakura dangled the forgotten book in front of his face.

"You're welcome."

Ryou's face calmed a little, instead turning bright red. "S-sorry!"

"Shut up. Now you can read this instead of that… _thing._"

"But that's for class! And I don't want to!"

Bakura took a deep breath. "Ryou, I'm going to have to be blunt. You need to stop reading the stupid, retarded, girly, prissy, and did I mention stupid Twilight books." A few girls turned to stare at Bakura for a few moments before slowly walking toward him, surrounding the poor yami.

"You had better not actually be talking about Twilight like that." They narrowed their eyes even further.

"Yes. Yes, I am." Bakura smirked. He could easily take the whole group.

"You'll regret that!"

"You're just jealous that you'll never be as hot as Edward!"

"Prepare to die, mortal!"

And then, with all the rabid fangirl strength they could possibly muster, they tackled Bakura to the ground. Meanwhile, Ryou sat at his desk, doing the very best he could not to laugh.

"APOLOGIZE TO EDDIEKINS!"

"AND JAKIEKINS!"

"YOU JUST INSULTED BELLA! SHE'S MY ROLE MODEL!"  
A muffled cry came from underneath them. Little did they know that he was essentially cursing them all to burn in hell; along with all their beloved characters AND Stephanie Meyer.

XXXXXX

Seira-g: I got it done!

Bakura: Are you trying to kill me!

Seira-g: Kura, that was the plan from the start.

Seira-g: Yeah, so anyway… the idea for this chapter mainly came from a review from Fanficlover555 saying to have him make fun of it in a classroom. So if you have any more ideas how to torture Bakura, put them in the form of a review!

Bakura: …Sadist.


	5. Vampires Suck

Wow, I just realized how long it's been since I updated this. So, sorry to all of you who have been waiting… blame writers block .. So now I'm doing something that lots of people have suggested or requested.

Bakura knew he had to do something. Ryou was completely- he hated to say it- _obsessed_ with Twilight.

"Hey! Bakuraaaaa!" A voice that started out small quickly grew louder as he felt something (Or rather, _someone)_ crash into his side. Hearing the excitement in Ryou's voice, Bakura automatically feared the worst. He let out a quick sigh.

"What is it?"

"Look!" He pointed frantically at a picture in a magazine. "They made another movie based on Twilight!"

"Uh huh, that's grea- hey, wait a second, what? ALREADY!" Bakura spit out the water he was drinking and spun toward Ryou.

He smiled cheerfully. "Yep! Here, look!" He shoved the magazine in Bakura's face. "See? Doesn't it look like Edward!"

"Okay, Ryou, calm down-"

"And Bella, and Jacob-" he sighed a bit after saying his name- "and… and-"

"Shut up, Ryou." Bakura clamped his hand over Ryou's mouth.

"Why?"

"Because you're annoying!

Ryou's face turned confused, upset, Then happy again in the span of about a second. "…So you'll go with me? Thanks, Kura!"

"Wait, where the hell did you get that!"

XXXXXXXXXXX

Bakura still wasn't quite sure how Ryou had talked him into going. Or maybe "forced " was a better word; when it came to things like this, Ryou could be even more vicious than Bakura on his worst days.

Lately, car rides with Ryou had become excruciating, to say the least. Now that he had his Twilight addiction more out in the open, he felt the need to make up for lost time and conversations.

"So, why do you think that the vampires sparkle, anyway? Is it something in their skin?"

"I think it's more like they invaded a glitter factory, to be perfectly honest."

"Bakura!" Ryou slammed his fist on the armrest and turned toward his yami. "This is serious business! You can't just joke around like that!"

"…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So, Ryou… do you even know anything about this movie?" Bakura decided to finally ask. Ryou stared at him blankly.

"Like what?"

"Well, like a plot. Is this even based off of one of the books?"

"No, I'm pretty sure it's something a fan made."

"Great," Bakura muttered. "That's _always_ a good sign."

Soon after that, the lights dimmed and the room became silent. Bakura had a slight feeling of déjà vu.

The movie started with an Edward fangirl and a Jacob fangirl getting into an argument. _What do you know, it's Ryou and Marik._

Bakura quickly became aware that this wasn't going to be nearly as painful as the other movies. No, this one had things the others didn't- quality writing, non-strained comedy, and none of the boring angsty romance he hated so much. In fact, there were several occasions where he laughed louder than anyone in the theater.

Ryou, however, was a completely different story. "What the hell was that?" Bakura heard him mutter on several occasions. He smirked. This may have been exactly the opportunity he had been looking for.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Ryou didn't speak again until they were back at home.

"How dare they," he muttered, shaking like a volcano that was about to explode. "How… how…"

"Go ahead, Ryou," Bakura said, trying his best not to laugh. "Explode."

"HOW DARE THEY MOCK TWILIGHT!" The movie had set off some hidden switch deep inside Ryou, and Bakura wasn't quite sure how to stop it.

But surprisingly, Ryou didn't destroy anything like he had the last time. He stood up from the couch and walked calmly to his room. Once again fearing the worst, Bakura followed.

There was a quick rustling noise, followed by some footsteps, and finally a muffled voice.

_What is he doing…?_ Curious, Bakura opened the door a small crack and peeked inside.

"It's okay, Jacob, they didn't mean anything they said about you…" Ryou was lying on his bed, cuddling and talking to the cardboard cutout. Bakura quickly shut the door behind him.

_Ryou… you're even more insane than I am, aren't you…?_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Seira-g: Well, there you go. I actually went and saw Vampires Suck. I would recommend seeing it.

Ryou: …I'm not _that_ insane…

Seira-g: ignoring. Oh yeah, and I should mention something awesome- my sister has been cured of her Twilight addiction!

Bakura: Yay. Now we just have to focus on Ryou.

Seira-g: Yes… and for those of you reading this, every review you give will donate a penny to the Save Ryou Fund!


	6. Meeting Stephanie Meyer

Alright, it's time for another fun-filled adventure in Ryou-the-fangirl-land~! But first off, I'd like to thank my 15 reviewers for your contributions to saving Ryou! And for taking the time to review. So, let's try again for even more this chapter!

"Let's see, what have we got here?" Ryou had gone off shopping, leaving Bakura with 45 unobstructed minutes of peace and quiet. At the moment, he was checking the mail for his new issue of _Pharaoh Killing Monthly_… in a strangely over-stuffed mailbox.

"Hmm. _Twilight Fan Monthly, Twilight Fan Weekly, Twilight Fan Quarterly... _Seriously? There's a _Twilight Fan Daily?_ Is this where Ryou gets all of his information about this stuff?" He reached just a bit further into the mailbox. "Wow, somebody sent me a letter? After what happened last time?" Curiosity getting the best of him, Bakura dropped the 15 magazines in his hand (none of which the one he wanted) and tore open the mysterious envelope.

"This is really official looking," He muttered as he unfolded the piece of paper inside.

_Bakura Sennen,_

_ Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you that you are one of the 5 lucky winners of the "Meet Stephanie Meyer Sweepstakes!"_

"Oh no, please don't let this be happening…"

_Enclosed you will find an exclusive invitation to an even more exclusive event- the chance to meet and converse with Stephanie Meyer, creator of the _Twilight_ series!_

"Ryou, I'm going to kill you when you get home."

"_So, mark Saturday, June 29 on your calendar…"_

"Like hell."

"_…Because you won't want to miss this!" Signed, the Official Twilight League."_

"Official Twilight League? More people like Ryou, meeting together in one place…? Hey, wait a second! Why is this addressed to me!" Little by little, the true horrors enclosed inside the letter revealed themselves to the terrified yami.

"_Ryou had better not be expecting me to go with him to this; the movies were one thing, but this is… this is a whole new level of horror!"_

"Hey, Bakura!" The yami, startled at the voice from behind, slowly turned around.

"H-hey, Ryou."

The hikari peered over Bakura's shoulder. "Hm? The mail came already? What have we got here…? _The Guys of Twilight, Werewolves Weekly, _and- whoa." Ryou's eyes settled upon the letter, which Bakura had been trying desperately to hide. He snatched it from Bakura's hand and let his eyes scan the piece of paper. His eyes lit up more with every word.

"Yesss! I won!"

"Um, I'm pretty sure it was addressed to me…"

"Oh, yeah! I figured if I used your name as well as mine, I'd have double the chances of winning!" Ryou's eyes glanced upward just long enough to meet Bakura's. "Oh, but since you ARE the winner, you can come too!"

Bakura sighed. "I have a feeling I'm not getting a choice in this…"

"Nope!" Ryou replied cheerfully. Just then, another figure appeared in the driveway at superhuman speed.

"Ryou!" Marik ran toward the hikari. Both of them jumped up and down excitedly.

"Look what I got!" Marik thrust a piece of paper into Ryou and Bakura's faces. It was a letter that looked strangely familiar.

"Wow! We can go together!" Bakura took a step backwards.

"This just keeps getting worse…"

"Oh, and Bakura's going to drive us!"

"Well, it definitely can't get any worse now."

XXXX

"So, Marik, what did you bring to get signed?" Marik rustled through his bag and came up with all four of the Twilight books. Ryou laughed.

"That's it? Geez, go with something more original!"

"Fine, then what do you have?" Ryou grinned.

"You'll see. It's in the trunk right now." His eyes lit up. "Hey, do you want to play Twilight Trivia!"

"No," Bakura answered from the front seat.

"Great! So Bakura, what were the guys in the restaurant Bella and Edward first went to thinking of in the movie?"

"Get me out of this hellhole."

XXXX

The rest of the ride went something like that. Eventually, after what felt like hours of agonizing torture to Bakura, they were ready to head inside. Ryou and Marik grabbed their bags and skipped inside, giggling like the fangirls that they were.

Right next to the door, there was a man checking for the "exclusive invites." The hikaris happily flashed theirs and giggled madly as they continued inside. Bakura, however, was stopped.

"Invite?"

"Oh no, I left it at home," he deadpanned. "Guess I have to go home-"

_Smack._ At the speed of light, the security guard collapsed to the ground. Ryou grabbed Bakura's hand and dragged him inside, eyes darting back and forth suspiciously.

"Quick! Before we get caught!"

"Escape: failed," Bakura muttered.

The gathering was in one of the first rooms seen upon entering. Most of the invited guests had already arrived, most of them looking just as excited as Ryou and Marik. Except for the guest of honor, who sat proudly in a chair at the head of the table. The three boys took their seats. Unsurprisingly, they were the only males there.

"Oh my God!" squealed Ryou. "SHE'S RIGHT THERE!"

"Good for you, Ryou." The three of them turned forward and silenced as the event began.

"Hello, everyone!" said the author in a bright, chipper voice. "Congratulations on being here! I'm Stephanie Meyer, creator of the Twilight series!"

Bakura tuned out most of what she had to say after that, until the Q&A session.

"Now then, who has a question?" A small girl to Bakura's left tentatively raised her hand.

"Yes? The one in the pink?"

"U-um, I just wanted to say that Bella is my role model. And I was wondering… is she anything like you?"

"Why yes! In fact, I created her to be exactly like me! Because who in here wouldn't want to basically be in love with someone who unquestionably loves you back?" Bakura tried to raise his hand, but it was slapped down by Marik and Ryou simultaneously.

"So, next question?" Ryou's hand shot up in the air.

"Why didn't Jacob get picked by Bella? He's so much better! BELLA DESERVES BETTER!" The room went silent for a moment before a response came.

"Well, if you want to picture it ending that way, you go right ahead. But I chose Edward because, you know, he's so dreamy…" _Great, _Bakura thought. _Even the damn _author_ is a fangirl."_

Everyone else got a chance to ask a question before Stephanie Meyer stood up. "Okay, and finally, I'll sign autographs!" Everyone reached under their chairs and grabbed what they had brought to be signed, and stood up to form a line.

The first people in line were, of course, Ryou, Bakura, and Marik. Marik held out his books, which the author signed without a single exchange of words.

Then it was Ryou's turn. The hikari proudly presented his Jacob cardboard cutout.

"This is my favorite Twilight thing!" he stammered, handing his beloved Jacob over to be signed.

"Oh," Stephanie Meyer said, "The Jacob fan from before. Here you go." She signed it right on the bare chest, and handed it back. Ryou squealed and ran to the side.

Now, Bakura's turn had come. There was only one thing Bakura needed from the author. He took a deep breath, and spoke.

"Go to hell."

XXXXXXXX

Seira-g: Yay~ I got it updated! I had to type it up really quickly, but I think it's alright!

Ryou and Marik: *Too far into fangirl mode to focus*

Seira-g: Sigh… and after all of the donations we got…

Bakura: Guess we'll just need more…

Seira-g: Yes! Review! Once again, every review will go toward saving Ryou!


	7. The Cave

Wow, I am seriously amazed at the amount of people who review this. So I guess I hope that keeps going! 5 more reviews to a hundred!

Bakura hated snow for two reasons. The first was that he hated the slush and ice, like most people he knew. But the number one reason that Bakura would rather set the world on fire than see even a single snowflake was, quite simply, snow days. When the weather got bad enough that no one would dare venture outside, it meant that school would be cancelled.

And this meant that he had to spend his precious 8 hours of freedom with Ryou, the very person he wanted to avoid with those 8 hours. Even worse, he was stuck inside with Ryou- he had nowhere to run.

Today was one of those days. Ryou was curled up under a blanket on the couch, reading a tattered copy of _New Moon_. To Bakura's surprise and delight, he had stayed relatively quiet for most of the morning. In fact, he was almost- dare he say it- cute.

"AHAHAHAHA!" A strong laugh hit Bakura's ears from the living room.

"Hey, Ryou, what the _hell_ was that?" Ryou was still laughing to himself. He looked up at Bakura with a huge smile on his face.

"I-it's just so funny…"

"What is?" Bakura asked, unsure if he really wanted to hear the answer.

"Ehehe… Bella's really clumsy."

Bakura stared at Ryou in disbelief. "That's it? That's ALL you're laughing about?"

Ryou puffed up his cheeks and glared back at his yami. "Bakura, I'm starting to think that you don't appreciate the value of Twilight."

Bakura's mouth fell open. "STARTING to think? I've been saying that since the very beginning!"

"What? No way!" Ryou looked genuinely surprised.

"I think I've been making it pretty damn obvious, Ryou!"

"Hmm…" Ryou scratched his chin. "I don't remember you ever mentioning this. Maybe you told Marik."

"Please," Bakura muttered. "I wouldn't talk to him on my own if my life depended on it."

Ryou, who couldn't have been listening to anything Bakura was saying, was deep in thought. Suddenly, his eyes lit up.

"I got it!"

"Got what?" Bakura shuddered, thinking of what Ryou had in store for him. Please, anything would be fine, just as long as he didn't have to watch those damn movies again. He would go without steak for a month, or even spend a day with Marik, of all people, but watching Twilight again? That was crossing the line, even for him.

"I think it's time you visited the cave."

Bakura's face instantly paled even more than usual.

"W-what's the cave?" Ryou's face twisted into a grin much more suited to Bakura.

"Come on. I'll show you the cave." The hikari grabbed his yami's hand and dragged him toward what he was sure would be his death.

Ryou had to drag Bakura all the way down the hall and into his room.

"Oh God, you don't mean…"

"We're going to the cave!" Ryou sang cheerily, completely ignoring Bakura's agony. When they were all the way inside, Ryou let Bakura drop to the floor as he grabbed the knob to the one place Bakura had never wanted to see.

Ryou's closet.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll never say anything bad about Twilight ever again, just please, don't make me go in there…" Ryou only laughed cheerfully at his yami's desperate pleas.

"But why, Bakura? Why don't you want to go inside the cave?"

"I think that should be pretty obvious!"

Ryou scratched his head. "Wow, 'Kura, you sure have a different sense of obvious than most people, don't you?" He left no time for a response, choosing instead to take that moment to shove Bakura into the abyss before following him inside. And locking the door.

Bakura was completely speechless. It was true that he had always hoped that a bit of his sadistic side would rub off on Ryou, but this… this was insane! Ryou wasn't supposed to be doing this to his own yami!

Ryou took a deep breath. "Okay. Let's begin." In that instant, the lights were flicked on, and Bakura discovered the multiple levels of terror that represented the cave.

For one thing, the room was surprisingly huge. He couldn't even remember this house having a walk-in closet as big as this one. But the second, and ultimately more terrifying, thing that Bakura realized about the room was the walls. There were multiple shelves, each one lined with what must have been hundreds of Twilight-related products. There were multiple copies of the books and DVD's, dolls (Bakura didn't think they quite qualified as action figures), and even a stuffed wolf head whose beady eyes glared straight at Bakura. Everything you could imagine was probably somewhere in that closet.

"Ryou… where did you even _get _all of this stuff?" The hikari's eyes lit up.

"Well, I'm glad you asked, Bakura, but we'll get to that in good time."

"Great," Bakura muttered. "Knowing him, I'll end up with a summary of every single thing in the entire room." As he finished saying this, something dawned on him. "Hey, wait a second. Where did you even get the money to buy this stuff?"

"Hmm, you know that money that you keep in your dresser drawer?" Bakura's mouth fell open for the second time that day.

"No way… my life savings…"

"Yeah, that!" Bakura facepalmed. He had been doing this so often lately that he was amazed that he didn't have a permanent hand-shaped mark across his face. Ryou cleared his throat.

"So anyways, it's time for the tour. You see, the first thing I ever bought was, of course, the book.. It was a rainy Saturday afternoon…"

XXX

"…And that brings us to the end of our tour!" Bakura shook himself awake. Despite the fact that Ryou had been talking for quite a long time now, he still sounded just as energetic as before. How long had they even been in that cramped little closet, anyway? Bakura glanced at a twilight- themed alarm clock with Jacob's face on it. …7 hours. It had to have been closer to 20.

"So Bakura, _now_ do you understand the beauty of Twilight?"

"Sure, if it gets me out of here." Ryou looked thoughtful for a moment before responding.

"Hm, yeah, I suppose I can let you off with a warning this time."

"I don't even really want to think about what might happen if I did anything worse than this…"

Ryou grinned. "No. No, you don't."

XXXXX

Seira-g: There! I tried to make it a little bit longer this time!

Bakura: Thanks a lot. *shakes uncontrollably*

Seira-g: Wow… I think Kura's going to need therapy now…

Ryou: Why?

Seira-g: Wow, Ryou. Just… wow.

Bakura: Please review… it'll cure him, and maybe even pay for my therapy…

Seira-g: See? He needs your help, people!


	8. Bakura's Revenge

Haah, this took forever to come up with. But then, once I actually started, it only took a day to write. So yeah, here it is!

"Oh, God…"

Bakura wasn't sure what to think of what he saw in front of him. On the one hand, it could be an opportunity to get back at Ryou for all of the torment he endured each day. But on the other hand… Well, okay, maybe there was no other hand when it came to something like Ryou's birthday. And Ryou was the type that would go all out for things like that- a party with tons of people, for instance. People that Bakura despised with a hot, burning passion.

"Hmm, five more days, huh?" A voice came up from behind Bakura that made his skin crawl. The yami turned around to see his hikari, grinning broadly.

"Did you buy a present for me yet, Kura?" he asked sweetly.

"Why would I? What have you ever done for me that deserves having me spend my hard-earned money on you?"

"Duh!" Ryou said brightly. "I was born!"

"Okay, now give me a reason that doesn't make me hate your parents."

Ryou's lips formed themselves into a pout."You're always so mean to me, Kura…"

"You made me watch Twilight. I think that I have a right to be mean."

Ryou looked confused. "But that was a good thing. Why are you angry that I showed you something so wonderful?"

"…You know what? Fine. I'll buy you something. I'm going out for a little while. Happy?" Ryou clapped.

"Good! I made you a list of things that I-"

"I don't need it." Bakura pulled out a grin reserved for when he had a plan. "I already know what I'm going to get you."

XXXXX

"I have no idea what I'm going to get him."

It was true that Bakura had had an idea. Unfortunately, none of the good movies stores had a copy of _Bloody Vampire Zombie Massacre_ on hand. Which placed Bakura back at square one.

_I could just cave and get the kid a _Twilight_ doll or something…_ Bakura shook his head violently. _No! I can't let him win, no matter what!_

XXXX

It wasn't until the sun was setting that Bakura set his eyes on it. The thing he had been looking for all along. Sure, it wasn't _Bloody Vampire Zombie Massacre, _but it was something even better.

Bakura grinned, a small, evil laugh escaping from his mouth. _Perfect._

XXXX

For once in his life, Bakura found himself waiting for Ryou's birthday almost as much as the hikari himself. Although he knew that if he had to endure Ryou's constant barrage of questions for much longer, something bad was going to happen.

"Does it have to do with _Twilight_?"

Silence.

"Does it have Jacob on it?"

Silence.

"Is it-"

"Ryou, I swear to God, if you make one more sound, I will BURN that damn cave of yours. Got it?" Terrified by the utter seriousness in Bakura's voice, Ryou nodded. The cave was filled with precious gold that needed to be protected, after all.

XXXX

The last few days before the much awaited day passed quickly, and before either of them knew it, it was time for people to start arriving to Ryou's party.

Ryou's _Twilight_-themed party.

At first Bakura had protested. "Themed parties are for twelve- year- old girls," he had said as Ryou picked out some Jacob-printed napkins. Of course, right after saying this, he remembered that Ryou had the mentality of a twelve- year- old girl.

Marik was, of course, the first to arrive, carrying a large box of which Bakura could only guess the contents. But to his surprise, a tall, spiky-haired male with a bored expression on his face followed shortly behind.

"Mariku?" Bakura asked in disbelief. "What are you doing here?"

"He's blackmailing me," muttered Mariku, grimacing. "Says he's been 'itching to have a Twilight marathon with me.'" Bakura shuddered.

"I've been down that road before. You made a good choice." Bakura placed a hand on the other yami's shoulder, in a moment of mutual understanding.

Not too long after Marik and Mariku showed up, a flood of people came in, including a multitude of people that Bakura didn't even recognize. Either they were Ryou's school mates, or they had been picked off the streets at complete random. Knowing his hikari, either one was possible.

"Okay, everyone!" a voice called out in the sea of people. "Time for presents~!"

"Isn't it a little soon for that?" Bakura wondered aloud. "I'm pretty sure people are still coming in."

Mariku shrugged. "Does it really matter?"

"No, I guess not." Despite his slight confusion, Bakura grinned. It was finally time.

Despite the large crowd of people in the room,very few had actually brought anything. Ryou's disappointment somehow managed to show as the smile remained on his face.

Most of the guests that had brought anything had brought ordinary gift cards, nothing too special. Although Marik's box, of course, turned out to be interesting, containing six copies of Twilight. In six different languages. Ryou squealed.

"How did you know?" He asked excitedly. "These are the only ones I don't have!"

Marik glanced away from Ryou. "Oh, a little bird told me…"

"Yay! Thank you, bird!" The two hikaris laughed hysterically, as though it were the funniest joke in the world.

"Twelve. Year. Old. Mentality," Bakura muttered through gritted teeth. Mariku stifled a laugh.

"Okay, so… Kura! It's your turn!" Bakura grinned and stood up, grabbing a small box.

"I'll be back, okay?" Mariku gave a small nod of approval, and Bakura stepped forward.

"Here you go, Ryou." The package was greedily taken from his hands and ripped open.

Ryou's face paled instantly after staring at the object in his hands.

"I knew you'd love it," Bakura said, doing his best to stop himself from laughing. "It's _Twilight_- related, AND it has Jacob in it!"

"This is NOT Jacob!" Ryou threw the box on the ground, as enraged as he could possibly be. Bakura snuck away back to Mariku, who looked completely confused.

"Vampires Suck," Bakura explained with a smile. "I knew it was a great idea."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Seira-g: Wow, Ryou. Still not over the whole Vampires Suck thing, huh?

Bakura: Look, as funny as it is, you really shouldn't bring that up around him…

Seira-g: Why no- OH, GOD!

Ryou: *Tackles author with a raging bloodlust*

Seira-g: O-okay… I'm so sorry…

Ryou: *Sweetly* Review? Jacob will love you if you do! (Not as much as he loves me, though!)


	9. Ryou's Revenge For Bakura's Revenge

Today I looked at my fanfiction page. And I saw that it's been two months since I updated this. So sorry to all of you who were waiting for this! _ Ahem… anyways, please enjoy!

"Bakura, I'm going to get my revenge." These were the only words that Ryou had spoken to Bakura in the week that had passed since the Birthday Incident. Bakura had initially laughed at this, but then it hit him- this was _Ryou._ He was able to torture Bakura on a _normal_ day, when he _wasn't_ pissed off. This thought was what sent him into a cycle of constant paranoia.

_Okay, well, it's not like it can get any worse than making me watch Twilight,_ he reasoned. _Compared to that, whatever he has planned will be a walk in the park._

Little did Bakura know that, yes, it could be worse.

XXX

Ryou silently set the laptop on Bakura's stomach as the yami stretched out on the couch, preparing for a long day of doing nothing.

"Here," Ryou said. "You're going to take me to this. Marik, too." Bakura sat up, yawning, and took a glance at the computer screen. What he saw made him gasp in pure teror.

"You can't possibly expect me to do this, can you?" he breathed. "This is just… there's no way I can do this."

Ryou grinned. "I told you I would get my revenge."

"Yeah, but… a TWILIGHT CONVENTION? Ryou, this is low, even for you!" Bakura could imagine it now- thousands of crazed fangirls, running around like psychopaths and screaming at every little thing. The very thought of it was enough to make him tremble.

"There's no way I'm going to something like this." But Ryou was prepared for this answer. He took his normal puppy-dog eyes, reserved specifically for Bakura, and multiplied the power by ten.

"Please, Bakura?" The yami shook. He wouldn't give in, there was no way he could give in…

"Fine. I'll take you." As Ryou jumped for joy, Bakura thought, _I need to work on saying no. Seriously._

XXX

And that was how Bakura ended up speeding down the highway with two crazed Twilight fans in his backseat.

"I heard Robert Pattinson is going to be there!" Marik said excitedly. "Maybe I can get his autograph!"

"Who cares about that? Taylor Lautner will probably be there!" Ryou replied.

"You know, I've noticed something," Bakura interjected. Both hikaris silenced their chatter to see what he had to say.

"Marik, you're an Edward fan, and yet you're really more like Jacob. You're all tan and muscular and stuff. And Ryou? You're pale and skinny. Just like Edward. So it seems like it would be the other way around, you know?"

"Why you…" Both Ryou and Marik muttered, their eyes sending daggers into Bakura's back.

"Marik is nothing like Jacob!" Ryou half-screamed. "Jacob is kind, supportive… nothing like this guy!"

"And Ryou only wishes he could be like Edward!"

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry." Not that either one heard him over their bickering.

XXX

Thanks to his unnecessary comment, the ride to the convention center was a long and painful one for Bakura. In fact, it was almost a relief when it was finally in sight. This seemed to be the case for the other two as well, because the fighting ceased completely as soon as they pulled into the parking garage. And went around trying to find a parking spot. And went up and up, seeing nothing but filled spaces.

"Come ON, Bakura! Hurry up and find a parking spot! I want to get inside already!" Ryou whined.

"I'm working on it, Ryou."

"Work faster! I want to meet Jacob!"

"Too bad!" And Bakura drove, up and up, until they were on the very top of the building. And at last, they found their coveted spot.

"It's beautiful," Marik breathed. The car pulled in, and everyone climbed out.

"Let's go!" Ryou shouted. Bakura had to run at a superhuman pace to catch up with the excited hikaris.

_I'm definitely going to run out of energy before this is over_, Bakura thought miserably.

When they entered the large building, the first thing they were met with was an extremely long line.

"Um, Ryou?" Bakura said weakly.

"Yes, Bakura?"

"You didn't, by any chance, get our badges ahead of time, did you?"

"No."

"You realize what that means, right?"

"We have to…"

"Yeah." Bakura nodded grimly. "We're going to have to wait in line."

Ryou also looked grim for a moment before his face lit up."Wait a second! That's not the line for the badges! That's for Stephanie Meyer's panel!"

"So you mean…"

"Yep!" Ryou grinned, and pointed to a completely empty spot. "THAT'S where we get our badges!"

_My plan failed…_

XXX

As much as Bakura hated Ryou and the convention, he had to admit, it wasn't as bad as he initially thought. Ryou and Marik spent the first two hours shopping for countless items, such as t-shirts, posters, and even more copies of the books.

In fact, everything went just fine, until they got to the autograph sessions. By the time they got there, it was absolutely swarming with fans. Which meant that it was time for more lines.

"I'm tired," Bakura complained. "If we have to wait in line, can we PLEASE just pick one?" Even though he knew it would start a fight between the two boys, it was the only way he could keep his sanity.

"Let's see Taylor Lautner!" Ryou immediately started gravitating towards one line, while Marik gravitated toward another.

"Ryou! You're in the wrong line. We're seeing Robert Pattinson!"

"You know, you two don't have to stay together. You can meet up here when you're done." Both looked thoughtful for a second before smiling.

"Good idea, Bakura! So, who are you going to go with?" asked Ryou.

"I'll wait here."

"You'll come with me? Thank you!" Ryou dragged his yami along.

The line for Robert Pattinson was much shorter than the line for Taylor Lautner, unfortunately. But they waited patiently (or, in Ryou's case, impatiently) for the line to move even a little bit.

But the line was actually much shorter than it seemed, and they were at the front in just half an hour.

"He's right there!" Ryou whispered excitedly. "I'm really going to meet him!"

"Mhm," Bakura said. He just wanted this line to be over.

When it was there turn to step up, Ryou squealed.

"Will you sign this?" he said hurriedly, holding out his prized Jacob cutout. He had been carrying it around all day, just for this.

"Um, yeah. I gue-"

"I'm your biggest fan! I own pretty much every piece of Jacob merchandise ever!" Taylor laughed.

"Wow, you're one of those really dedicated fangirls, aren't you?" Ryou laughed, but didn't dispute the "girl" part.

"That's what I say!" Bakura said cheerfully from behind. "By the way, thank you for ruining his life."

"Um, sorry?"

"Before he found Twilight, he was relatively sane. Now he's psycho. So, in other words, thanks a lot." When he finished his mini-speech, he cheerfully stuck up his middle finger.

"Thank you, indeed."


	10. Ryou's Diary

I swear this story is getting harder and harder to write… BUT! As long as people still like it, I'll do my best to update it! But for now, I'll do something that I've wanted to do for a while now…

For Bakura, the convention had been the last straw. Ryou wanted to play his little games? Fine. But he couldn't expect the yami to not fight back. This was going to be a WAR.

But what could he do? He had already played the Vampires Suck card, and that was the only thing he knew of that Ryou despised. Which meant that he would have to do something risky.

He was going to have to read Ryou's diary.

He hadn't even _known_ about the book until recently, when Ryou had let it slip that he wrote fanfiction in it. Of course, Bakura wouldn't touch that part with a 10 foot pole. But if his assumptions were correct, he could find something interesting in it.

So he waited. He waited through the long night, so nervous and excited that he could hardly sleep. He waited through the early morning before school, where Ryou seemed to take even longer to get ready than usual. Bakura watched him intently as he ate his official Twilight cereal, threw on jeans and a Twilight shirt, and threw a Twilight book in his Twilight messenger bag. The overload of Twilight made Bakura that much more excited to get his revenge.

"I'm heading out now," Ryou called out at last. "Bye, Kura!"

"Bye, Ryou!" Bakura said cheerily, watching him until he shut the door and walked away. His fake smile turned to a genuine grin, knowing that it was finally time to put his plan into action. He crept carefully down the hallway. He knew it wasn't necessary, but the habits of a former thief had to show through sometimes.

Ryou's room was the same disaster area that it had been last time- Twilight merchandise was everywhere, to the point where Bakura wondered how Ryou had room to sleep.

"Okay," he muttered to himself. "I can do this. I can find this…"

But Bakura would have to dig, and he knew this. But he hadn't been prepared for quite this much- it took him at least half an hour before he found what he was looking for.

It wasn't much- simply a small, black spiral notebook with the words "Team Jacob" emblazoned across the front- but to Bakura at that moment, he swore he had found the Holy Grail. So nervous his hands were shaking, Bakura opened the book.

_Dear diary,_

_ I took Bakura to see Eclipse last night- midnight showing! But he didn't seem to like the movie that much… Oh well! It was amazing! But really, what will I do about Bakura? I MUST CONVERT HIM!_

"No, you can't do that, Ryou." He sighed a little, but kept going.

_Dear diary,_

_Bakura watched New Moon and Twilight today! I don't think he liked it that much- he complained a lot about them,_

"Because they sucked."

_But it would have been better if that stupid Marik hadn't shown up!_

"You're probably right about that. Not that it would have been fun if he hadn't."

_Oh, well. It was still fun!_

"For you, maybe."

Bakura skimmed over the next few entries- he could tell that he wouldn't get anything from them, as they all seemed to be about how much he loved Jacob. But there was one entry in particular that stood out to him.

_Dear diary,_

_ I think I've found it. The one thing I hate more than Vampires Suck._

"Such a thing really exists?"

_**Justin Bieber.**_

Bakura couldn't believe it. He had only heard one of this person's songs, and he had disliked it. But to think that Ryou of all people would share an opinion with him… well, that was nearly unthinkable. But still, he had found exactly what he needed. Now, it was time to go to the store.

Xxx

"Bakura, I'm home!"

"Hello, Ryou!" Bakura called out, uncharacteristically cheery. "How was your day? Wonderful?"

"Um… yeah?" Ryou answered. He wasn't sure what was going on, but knowing Bakura, he was sure that it couldn't be good.

"Great! So listen, Ryou! I found this great new singer today! You've got to listen to him!"

"…Really." Ryou was scared now. He knew Bakura's taste in music, and it was nothing like his own. So to think that Bakura was doing this out of kindness was nearly unthinkable.

"Who is it?" Ryou asked reluctantly.

"Just listen!" Bakura popped the CD into the player and pressed play. It whirred to life and started playing. Ryou looked confused for a moment, but as soon as the lyrics started, he smiled and started singing along.

_You know you love me__  
__I know you care__  
__Just shout whenever,__  
__And I'll be there_

Bakura was stunned. Why did he know all the lyrics to this song? What happened to not liking Justin Bieber?

He was so surprised that he was completely silent throughout the whole song. When it finished, Ryou turned to Bakura, grinning.

"Wow, Bakura!" he said excitedly. "I had no idea you had Bieber Fever too!"

"I don't. And what do you mean, too? It said in your diary-" Bakura clamped a hand over his mouth, realizing that he had just confessed to an extremely serious crime.

But Ryou didn't seem angry. More than anything, he seemed confused.

"What are you… oh!" Ryou's expression turned to one of realization. "You read my fake diary!"

"Your what?"

"See, I figured you would try something like this. So I wrote a fake diary, with fake information!"

Bakura was speechless. So he had been the one who had been tricked in the end, not Ryou. He wasn't sure what to say to this.

"So where's your real diary?" he finally managed to say. Ryou stuck out his tongue.

"Like I would tell you!"

"Ryou, do you have a death wish?" Bakura asked, a smile on his face.

"No." "Ryou backed away and started running, but Bakura chased him. They ran around the house in a circle multiple times before Ryou stopped, completely out of breath. Bakura grinned.

"I know exactly what I'm going to do with you."

XXX

So, what's going to happen? FIND OUT NEXT TIME! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! But actually, I have a quick question for you guys. See, I've never read Breaking Dawn- I was done with my obsession before I had a chance to read it. The thing is, I really want to do a chapter involving it. So I was wondering. Would you guys like to see a chapter about it? Because if there's enough demand for it, I think I can tolerate reading the book. Anyone who reviews with an answer gets a cookie! Thanks!


	11. The Evening of the Premiere

I'm alive. It's been half a year, but I'm finally back with this. To be honest, I'm running out of ideas for this. I want it to last at least until they finish releasing Breaking Dawn, which will be around a year from now, but I can't promise that it will be updated as often as it used to be. I will definitely update as soon as I get around to seeing the first part, though.

_I have no idea how to get my revenge._ Bakura may have said the opposite, but in reality, he had no idea what he was going to do to get back at Ryou. Show him a real vampire movie? No, most of them weren't all that good. Kill him? Tempting, but what would it really solve?

But right now, Bakura couldn't focus on that. He had a bigger problem to deal with. The premiere of Breaking Dawn was coming up fast, and he was almost 100% sure that he would be dragged along yet again. He could fight it all he wanted, sure, but he would be going, whether he liked it or not. Especially because Ryou had already bought the tickets. The day they went on sale.

"We have to make sure that we can get them," Ryou had said. "They're probably going to sell out quickly."

This time, however, Bakura would be prepared. He would not be going as he had last time, with no prior knowledge of what he was getting into. As much as it pained him to stain his internet history with it, he did research on Breaking Dawn. And as much as he didn't want to admit it, it looked a bit more interesting than the previous three movies. Between the demon vampire baby and the war between the vampires, he thought that he may be able to put up with it.

There was one problem, though, and it wasn't something he was sure he could forgive. The movie, that would still be hard (if not impossible) to sit through no matter what, had two parts.

"Damn Hollywood," Bakura had muttered when he first found out. "They're just trying to force money out of stupid people. Like Ryou. What, is it going to be in 3D, too?" Ryou assured him that it wasn't, although he would have paid the extra to see it that way if it had been. "Can you imagine what Jacob's abs would look like in 3D?" Bakura chose to ignore that last comment.

Which led them to the present. Bakura and Ryou were standing in a line so long that it stretched outside of the theater. Most of the people were teenage girls, wearing their all-black outfits with shirts that said either "Team Jacob" or "Team Edward." Bakura had wanted to go in a shirt that said "Team I don't give a fuck (made lovingly by himself and Mariku)," but Ryou had threatened him with more time in the cave if he actually went through with it. That had killed the idea almost immediately.

"Bakura! Ryou!" A voice called out to them from towards the back of the line. The two that had been mentioned turned around to see a hyper (as always) Marik, and a pissed off (as always) Mariku.

"Marik! I was starting to think you wouldn't make it!" Ryou's already wide grin grew ten times larger.

"Of course I would come for this!"

"He dragged you along too, huh?" Bakura muttered as the two lighter halves chattered away about how excited they were.

"Of course he did. Would you expect any less from my dear Marik?"

"Very true." There was another moment of silence between the two, symbolizing a moment of mutual understanding. Bakura looked down at his watch. 10:55. The line was starting to move, sealing the fate of the two yamis.

"Let's go." They took a deep breath, and started to walk.

Xxx

I apologize that, after all this time, there was only a small chapter like this. But I needed something to transition with, so that they could see the movie. The next chapter will be out when I finally go and see Breaking Dawn, and I don't know when that will be. But I promise I won't make you wait six months again.


	12. Breaking Dawn Part 1

I finally saw Breaking Dawn. And while it wasn't quite as bad as some of the other Twilight movies, it was… still a Twilight movie. So, I'm writing this while it's still fresh in my mind.

Even to Bakura, the trailers lasted forever. _Just stop it already,_ he thought. _If I have to go through this, the least you can do is make it mercifully short._ Ryou was sparkling with anticipation next to him as well, although for completely different reasons.

"Bakuraaa," he whined. "Why isn't it starting?"

"If you keep whining, it will take even longer. Now shut up."

Ryou continued to pout, but said nothing more.

They must have been showing the fifth or so trailer when the theater exploded.

"BRING MY EDDIEKINS!"

"JAKIEKINNNNS!"

"All of you! Shut the hell up!" The last comment was, of course, Bakura's, although it was lost in the sea of squealing fangirls.

The movie began suddenly, with an image of a red moon._ The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1, _the familiar font read. That lingered for a few moments, until it was replaced by an angry looking Jacob. There were a few scattered screams throughout the theater as he, completely out of nowhere, removed his shirt for at least the tenth time in the franchise. Bakura wasn't sure, but he thought he heard Ryou sigh for a second. He decided to ignore it.

"But still, he really can't go five minutes without taking off his shirt, huh? Stephanie Meyer must have had an ab fetish."

From the very beginning, Bakura found things to make comments about.

_You need to get your beauty sleep._

"Not even beauty sleep can save that face," Bakura muttered.

"I'm going to have to agree with you there," Mariku replied. Bakura smirked. He may have been forced to sit next to Ryou, but at least Mariku was on the other side.

_It's not too late to change your mind.__  
_

_What, now you're having second thoughts?_

"Yeah, he probably is. About signing that damn movie contract." Mariku snickered, earning a smack and a harsh look from Marik.

"Of course he wouldn't regret it! The only thing he regrets is not getting the role of Jacob," Ryou muttered. "Now shut up."

And Bakura did shut up… for maybe five minutes. But when Bella asked, _So this party, will there be strippers? _Bakura snorted.

"There definitely will be. Probably _male_ strippers."

Ryou had no response, for once. Probably because of how wrapped up in the movie he was.

And so the movie dragged on, just like any other Twilight movie did. Bakura didn't have much to say, other than Bella's dream sequence, where the roses in her wedding turned to bloodied corpses.

"Sounds like the kind of wedding I would have attended," Bakura said, grinning. "Mariku, we could have done that at her actual wedding, right?"

"Obviously."

_I've been waiting, for what seems like a very long time, to get beyond what I am._

_ "_In other words, Prince Sparkles, a can jyst come out and say it."

Marik looked over at Bakura from two seats over. "Say anything else bad about Edward, and I'll kill you, right before giving your blood to the Cullens."

Bakura recognized his murderous tone as being completely serious, and shut up again. He had learned long ago not to mess with Twilight fans. Besides Ryou, anyways.

Then, it came time for Bella and Edward to have their implied sex. Ryou sat there, showing a tinge of anger on his face. _It should have been Jacob,_ he could hear him thinking. But Marik had a starry eyed look on his, which was to be expected.

Then Bakura saw the wreckage. The bed and the surrounding room had been completely destroyed, after a three minute montage.

"Um, I'm pretty sure you're doing this wrong. It shouldn't take you that long to find the hole."

"Bakura! That's gross!" Ryou whispered harshly. Bakura smirked.

"Well then, how are you going to explain it?" Ryou turned bright red, and said nothing more.

_…I'm late. My period is late._

"Tough luck, bro. First time having sex with a girl and you knock her up. Maybe you're better at this than I thought."

After a certain point, Ryou and Marik stopped responding to the comments made between Mariku and Bakura.

"Renesmee, huh? That's not the name of a person (or even a vampire). It's the name of a cat. No, not even a cat deserves that sort of name."

"…I'm not quite sure what imprinting is, but I'm pretty sure that your beloved Jacob could now be arrested for pedophilia."

The movie ended abruptly, over 2 hours later. Ryou and Bakura walked out of the theater, Bakura overcome with relief, and Ryou… crying?

"I'm sure I'll regret asking this later, but why are you crying, Ryou?"

Ryou sniffed. "I-it was just so emotional! I cried when Edward thought she was dead, a-and I cried again when she was turned into a vampire!"

"I cried at that last part, too."

"Really?"

"Yep." Bakura smirked. "I was hoping she was really finally dead."

That was when Ryou smacked Bakura so hard that he couldn't talk for the rest of the night.

Xxx

Alright, _now_ I feel like I'm back, now that I've written a real chapter! I hope you thought this was worth waiting for. And my opinion of the movie? It was better than some of the other Twilight movies, but it was… well, a Twilight movie. I still wouldn't recommend it, unless you wanted something to laugh about. Did any of you see it or read the book? What did you think?

I'll try to come up with an idea for a new chapter, so please review in the meantime~


	13. Misunderstanding

I'll be honest- if it wasn't so popular, I would have deleted this story by now. I started it when I had just started writing, mostly as a joke. I never expected it to get so popular. In fact, I think it's a little sad that this is my most read, favorite, alerted, and reviewed story. Everything else I've written is a lot more quality, in my opinion. But whatever. I'm sorry it's been six months since I updated this story. Really, I am. And I'm sure you aren't here to listen to me rant, so here goes the long awaited next installment of Evil Movie of Doom.

He was going to do it.

It had taken two years of torture, of _Twilight, _but Bakura was finally going to do what had needed to be done all along. He sat at the kitchen table, with Ryou sitting directly across from him. There were a few moments of silence, as Bakura decided what he was going to say. Sure, he had practiced over and over again in his mind, but as soon as Ryou had come into the room, staring at Bakura's serious expression with wide, questioning eyes, everything had flown straight out the window. Still, something would have to be said, and it was now or never. Bakura drew in a breath, mentally preparing himself for whatever could happen after the words were spoken.

"Ryou, do you know why I've brought you here today?" Bakura's face remained completely serious, as he stared into Ryou's eyes.

"You didn't tell me. How could I know?" Ryou tilted his head to the side. _The boy really is clueless,_ Bakura thought. Still, he stayed firm.

"Ryou, what have we been fighting about for the past two years?" Ryou scrunched up his face, deep in thought. He sat there for a few moments, completely silent as he attempted to find the answer to Bakura's question.

"Well, I think you have meat for dinner all too often, and we talk about that a lot-"

Bakura took a deep breath. _Stay calm. He's a complete idiot, but you have to stay calm._

"No, Ryou. That isn't what I'm talking about right now." _Although there is no such thing as too much meat for dinner. _Bakura had to shake his head to get rid of the thought- it did nothing for him in his current situation, after all. "I'm here to talk about Twilight." Ryou's face brightened almost immediately at the words.

"Kura, you couldn't possibly mean… you…"

"That's right." Bakura nodded his head ever so slightly, and Ryou's smile became wider than it had been at either of their midnight showings. "I've been putting it off for a long time, but I think it's something we really need to talk about." The smile on Ryou's face confused (as well as unnerved) Bakura- it was far from the reaction he had expected when they had this conversation.

"I can't believe it…" Ryou ran to the other side of the table and hugged Bakura, squealing.

Now Bakura was extremely confused. "Ryou, what are you-"

"You really did it!" Ryou said, his voice higher than Bakura had ever heard it. "It took a long time, but you finally realized how great Twilight is!"

The room went dead silent. Bakura's jaw dropped, and he stared at Ryou incredulously. Ryou tilted his head ever so slightly, the confused look returning to his face briefly, before stretching back into a grin.

"I get it," Ryou said cheerfully. "You were just embarrassed to admit it after all this time. But it's okay, Bakura." He placed a hand on Bakura's shoulder. " "I understand how hard it is to come to terms with the fact that you're a Twilight fan. I had trouble accepting it at first, too. But if you _embrace _it instead of being in denial, everyone will be happier!"

"Wait, Ryou, no, that's not what I-"

"Now come on!" Ryou said, his voice still high pitched with excitement. "Give me all the details! Are you team Edward or team Jacob? Wait, no, you're smart, there's no way you would be interested in the _vampire._ You're _obviously _team Jacob. And which of the books do you like the most? Or the movies? Which adaptation do you think was the best? And-"

"Ryou." Ryou paused in his rambling. He stared into Bakura's eyes for a moment, before narrowing his own.

"Bakura, you aren't going to say… that you _don't_ like Twilight. Are you?" He shifted his eyes to another part of the kitchen, a part that made Bakura shudder.

"Ryou, I swear, if you touch those knives, I will-"

"You like Twilight," Ryou said, moving his face ever closer to Bakura's, until they could smell each other's breath. "_Right?"_

Bakura took a deep breath. He had a choice. Either he would admit his love for something he loved, or…

Or what?

Bakura couldn't think about it. Which was why, in the heat of the moment, he answered, "Yes. Twilight is great. It's my favorite thing in the world. Don't know why I didn't realize it sooner, really." Ryou's face returned to a legitimate smile.

"Okay! Then, if that's the case, I have something for you!"

Xxx

"And that's why I came here."

"Hm." Mariku frowned at his friend, then at the object in front of them. "So, what do you say we do with it? Want to burn it?"

Bakura considered this option for a moment, but ultimately shook his head. "He said he wanted to have a discussion later on. Besides, he would find the evidence. Just like he did with that poster we burned."

"Well then, what do you think we should do?" Bakura sighed heavily.

"I figured I had no choice but to read the damn thing. And you're going to do it woith me."

Mariku laughed for a good minute, before he said, "No, seriously. What are you going to do?"

"Mariku, we are going to read _The Host. _If you don't help me get through this, I will ship Ryou over to your place for a day. Let you deal with him."

"…I'll do it."

Xxx

Alright, now that I've set up the next chapter (or at least, the basic plot), I promise I'll update this soon. If anyone still cares about this fic. Which they probably don't. But if you do, could you please drop off a review?


	14. The Day Before the End

…And here we are, five months after my last update. I'm sorry I keep on not doing anything with this; I've just been busy with my other stories. And as for the plot I suggested in the last chapter… well, that will have to be postponed. Mostly because I'm lazy and can't be bothered to actually read The Host. Although I will give it this- from the 10 pages I did read, it wasn't too bad- much better than Twilight, that's for sure. So since I'm really more concerned with giving you guys a new chapter than adding yet another book to my list. But still, I think that the next chapter will be the last chapter. You'll probably see why once you read this, but to be honest, I'm really ready for this fic to be over and done with. I've spent the past two and a half years on it, and it's not going to be able to go on forever. Besides, now that the movies are done being released, I don't really have anything else to cover. One thing I'm considering doing is rewriting the first few chapters- it's been a long time since I wrote them, and while they are a good reminder of how far my writing has come, I can't stand to look at them. So anyways, this is getting way too long. I'll probably have a sappy goodbye in the next chapter, which should come when I see the next movie. But I figured that I should give some fair warning as to this fic's ending.

Things had gotten worse for Bakura since the day of the "intervention." Much, much worse.

Sleep, for instance, was a thing of the past. Ryou never lasted much past 2:00 in the morning before barging into Bakura's room, demanding answers to important questions such as, "Which of the werewolves besides Jacob is your favorite?" or "Let's discuss the differences between the movies and the books." Bakura generally ended the argument by throwing a book at Ryou's head- despite the fact that he was half asleep, he had surprisingly good aim.

Besides, now that he was a supposed "Twilight fan," he knew that it was only a matter of time before the second part of the movie came out. Ryou didn't stop talking about it, after all.

"Bakura!" he would say, night after night, as though coming to a sudden realization. "Only 178 days until Breaking Dawn part 2!"

This continued day after day, night after night. And yet, Bakura never gave up hope. He made it through each day with only the thought that someday, Ryou would grow out of his obsession and, in extension, allow him to be free of his, however fake it may be.

Unfortunately, there was one issue that Bakura couldn't wish away. The days leading up to the premiere of the final movie were growing fewer and fewer, and he knew that he would, sooner or later, be dragged along to see it. Even more terrifying was that it would most likely be yet another midnight showing. True, it would be the last one he would ever be required to endure, but that wouldn't do anything to help the obsessive fan he was living with.

Sure enough, Ryou's interest in the series was, if anything, growing stronger. He and Marik had started something that Bakura and Mariku referred not-so-lovingly to as the "Twihards Anonymous." Ryou, Marik, and several of the girls from Ryou's school met up three days a week to have "serious discussions" about the books, movies, and abs of the main characters. Bakura was often asked to attend these meetings, but generally escaped by making plans with Mariku ahead of time, most of which involved fire and a certain book series. Not that Ryou needed to know that.

But there was one event that Ryou refused to let Bakura get out of. And by the time that Bakura realized that he had no choice, Ryou was already presenting the tickets, a huge smile on his face.

"You get to come with us to the midnight showing, Bakura!" he said brightly. "I know that you've had to miss our meetings lately because of your fanclub meetings with Mariku, but I figured that you wouldn't want to miss this!"

This was it. Bakura knew that if there was ever a good time to confess his true feelings to Ryou, it was now. He inhaled deeply and said, "Ryou, there's something I need to tell you." It was strangely similar to the day he had attempted an intervention, he realized. Only this time, he knew, things would go differently.

Ryou looked up at Bakura, his eyes shining. "I know, Bakura. You're so excited that you can't handle all these emotions. I get it, but-"

"No." Bakura kept his voice firm. "Ryou, I know I should have mentioned this sooner, and cleared up whatever it is you think about me. But I feel like if I don't say it now, I'll never get the chance." He took a deep breath. "Ryou, Twilight is terrible. I've told you this so many times that I shouldn't need to say it. But seriously. Get a life. One without Twilight."

Ryou only stared at Bakura, for what felt like several minutes. His expression never switched from that huge smile, which made Bakura the slightest bit nervous. Not because he was afraid he had shocked the boy- he wasn't afraid of that in the least. But he could feel the tension growing, and wondered why he had let himself say something that could potentially get him killed. Or time in the cave. He wasn't quite sure which fate would be worse.

"Bakura, why are you lying?"

"…What?"

Ryou was still smiling, and Bakura was growing increasingly scared about it. He quickly rose to make a run for it, but at the speed of light, Ryou reached out and grabbed his wrist, forcing him to sit back down.

"Why would you say that you don't like Twilight?"

"Because I don't."

"Really." Bakura was sweating with anticipation. This was it, Ryou was getting mad, and there was no going back now-

"You look scared." Ryou stifled a laugh. However, it did very little, and in the end, Ryou burst out laughing. Bakura was, to say the least, shocked.

"…Ryou, what are you-"

"I can't do this anymore," he said, through his fit of laughter. "But- oh god, your reaction- it's- it-s-"

"Can't do what?" Bakura asked reluctantly. He wasn't sure what exactly was going on, although he vaguely wondered if Ryou had finally cracked. From what, however, he wasn't sure.

Ryou took a moment to wipe tears from his eyes, as his laughter died down. "This. Bakura, I can't believe you never figured it out." Upon seeing Bakura's confused face, Ryou almost started to laugh again. "I never liked Twilight, Bakura. It- it was all a huge lie. And your reactions to it, all of it- Ahh, it was so worth it!"

Bakura was numb. Ryou… everything… it had all been a lie. Ryou had tricked him.

And, perhaps even more terrifying, he had fallen for it.

"…Why?" It was all Bakura could say. Ryou smiled even more widely than before, and stuck his finger in the air for emphasis.

"Well, at first it was just to get back at you. You always said things you didn't mean, and I was getting tired of it. But it was fun, so after a while, I made it into a game. I wanted to see how long I could keep it up before you cracked."

"…And Malik?"

"He was in on it, too. He wanted revenge against Mariku, so we came up with this together." He sighed. "The only downside was having to buy all that merchandise… I suppose I could get rid of it now, but that was almost all my money."

"Ryou…" Bakura was shaking, anger slowly replacing the nothing he had felt. "You…"

"Yes?" Ryou said sweetly. Although on the inside, he was shaking with fear- Bakura _was _scary when he was angry, after all. He had always known that the day would come when Bakura found out about his trick, and even though he had attempted to prepare himself for it, now that the moment had come, he couldn't help but feel a bit nervous.

"Congratulations."

"…Huh?" Ryou couldn't have heard right. But when he looked up, Bakura was smiling.

"I actually think I respect you a little more, now. Not only are you not a Twilight fan, but you clearly have a sadistic side of your own, don't you? I always hoped that would happen."

"…So you're not mad?"

"Oh, no, I'm pissed. That's two and a half years of my life that I'll never get back. In fact," Bakura said, a smirk appearing on his face that made Ryou shudder, "I think that I know exactly what to do to get you back and reward you at the same time."

Ryou swallowed. "…What?"

"I'm dragging you to see this movie."

Xxx

So there you have it. The plot twist to end all plot twists. Reviews?


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